Today marks the beginning of Twins, Triplets and More Week: a week dedicated to celebrating the unique experiences of families with multiples.
At Petals, we know how complicated and conflicting a loss of this kind can feel.
In this week’s Counsellor’s Blog, Senior Petals Counsellor, Sumita Bhola, explores the complex emotions that come with multiple loss, offering advice and support to parents who have experienced loss with twins or triplets, as well as those who support those parents.
Sumita reminds grieving parents:
“Counselling doesn’t “fix” grief – but it gives it room. It creates a safe space for your story, your babies, your emotions. You don’t have to do this alone.”
For many families, the news of expecting twins or more brings not just joy, but a sense of wonder – a vision of shared milestones, giggles, and growing up side-by-side. When that journey is interrupted by loss, whether one or more babies die, the grief can feel especially complex, layered, and lonely.
As someone who has spent the last four years working alongside bereaved parents with Petals, I have come to deeply understand the distinct emotional landscape of multiple loss. Whether all or both babies have died or one has survived, the heartbreak carries a depth that is often misunderstood by those around them.
Why Twin and Multiple Loss is Different
Twins – and other multiples – are imagined as a pair or group right from the start. They are talked about and bonded with together.
When one dies, it is not just the loss of a child, it is the loss of a relationship between siblings, of a family story imagined differently. When both die, the loss is often compounded by a sense of silence and invisibility – “a mother with no babies” as one bereaved parent once described.
If one baby survives, parents may find themselves caught between joy and devastation. Guilt, fear, and confusion often accompany the early months of parenting. Some describe the experience as “surviving, not living”.
Supporting Grieving Parents
If you are a parent navigating this kind of loss or you are supporting someone who is – here are a few thoughts:
-
Every Baby Matters
It is okay to say their names. Each baby deserves to be remembered. Even in early pregnancy loss, even if the others didn’t get to meet them – your bond was real.
-
Grief Can Be Complicated
Twin loss often brings up conflicting emotions. You might feel numb, guilty, relieved, or overwhelmed. None of this is wrong. Let yourself feel without judgement.
-
You May Feel Isolated – You Are Not Alone
Sometimes friends, family, or even professionals don’t know what to say. Petals and support groups – such as the Twins Trust Bereavement Service – offer spaces where others really do understand.
-
Surviving Siblings Have Their Own Journey
If you are parenting after loss, you may find it hard to bond or may worry constantly about the surviving baby. That’s normal. Take it one day at a time. Rituals and small moments of connection – like telling them about their sibling – can be very powerful.
-
It Is Okay To Seek Help
Counselling doesn’t “fix” grief – but it gives it room. It creates a safe space for your story, your babies, your emotions. You don’t have to do this alone.
For Those Who Support
If you are a loved one, a professional, or even a friend on the edge of this experience – be present. Acknowledge the loss. Remember anniversaries. Avoid trying to find silver linings. Often, the most powerful thing you can say is, “I am here”.
Grief after the loss of twins or multiples doesn’t follow a straight path. It may rise and fall over time, but with compassion, support, and a space for the whole story – including joy, sorrow, and everything in between – parents can find meaning, memory, and strength.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
If you have experienced the loss of a sibling or multiple, you may find our previous blog on Supporting Siblings After Loss helpful.
The Twins Trust also offers a range of resources for families, including information on parenting multiples, access to community support, and opportunities to connect with other families facing similar challenges.
