Supporting LGBTQ+ Parents Through Pregnancy and Baby Loss

As a counsellor at Petals, I’ve worked with many parents facing the heartbreak of pregnancy or baby loss.

And while every story is unique, I’ve come to understand just how complex and isolating this experience can be for LGBTQ+ parents.

No matter the shape of a family or the path taken to parenthood, grief is grief. But for LGBTQ+ couples, that grief is often compounded by additional layers—legal, medical, social—and, sadly, by a lack of understanding from the wider world.

One of the things I hear most often from same-sex couples is how invisible the non-biological parent can feel after a loss.

I’ve supported clients who poured their heart into the pregnancy—attending every scan, feeling every high and low—and yet were met with silence at work, or even by friends and family, after the baby died. “It wasn’t your pregnancy,” they’re told. But of course, it was their baby too.

In counselling, we give space to talk about this. To unpack those painful moments and find language for the grief that often goes unrecognised.

There’s also the emotional weight of trying again.

For LGBTQ+ couples, this isn’t straightforward. The journey to conception often involves IVF, sperm or egg donation, or surrogacy—all of which come with legal, financial, and emotional challenges.

One couple I worked with faced an incredibly difficult decision following a medical complication in pregnancy. The process of navigating that—legally, emotionally, and in the context of a same-sex partnership—was something they felt no one outside their counselling space could truly understand.

Then there’s the wider issue of support.

While there are groups for dads, or for grandparents, I’ve had clients share how few spaces exist where non-biological or LGBTQ+ parents feel represented, let alone welcomed. That sense of being ‘othered’ in their grief only deepens the isolation.

At Petals, we are committed to making sure that every bereaved parent who comes to us feels seen, supported, and safe—regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, or family structure.

We’re trained to support the full complexity of baby and pregnancy loss, and we work hard to hold a space that’s non-judgmental, inclusive, and responsive to the individual stories we hear.

Many LGBTQ+ clients have told me that their counselling sessions were the only place they felt fully able to be themselves – to express their grief without having to explain or justify their parenthood.

That matters. Because in grief, being recognised for who you are, and who your baby was, can make all the difference.

– Written by Isobel Harper, Petals Counsellor