Schools are breaking up, but we know grief doesn’t take a holiday…
Senior Petals counsellor Sumita Bhola shares why the school holidays can bring unique challenges for bereaved parents, and offers gentle advice on navigating grief alongside family life – or the space where it should have been this summer.
As the school year ends, many families start looking ahead to the summer holidays. There are plans to make, days out to organise and the promise of more time together, but for parents who are grieving the loss of a baby, the approach to summer can bring a very different set of emotions.
During term time, there may be small pockets of quiet after the school run. Moments to think, cry, remember, or simply be with your grief. As the holidays get closer, those moments can feel as though they are slipping away. The days become fuller, noisier, and more demanding, with children at home needing your time, energy, and attention.
Parenting while grieving
Grief is hard work. It asks so much of us emotionally, mentally, and physically. Parenting does too. Looking after the children you already have often means putting your own needs to one side, even when you are running on empty. Many bereaved parents tell me they worry they’ll have to put their grief on hold just to get through the summer.
Alongside this often comes guilt. Guilt that they’ll be laughing, playing games, or making memories with the children who are here, while the baby who isn’t here feels pushed into the background, but loving the children who are with you today does not mean you are forgetting the child you lost. If your baby were here, they would not have your attention every second of every day. They would simply be woven into your family life. Your love for them does not disappear because your focus must shift.
Snapshots of sadness
For those without children, summer can bring painful reminders of the future you imagined. Witnessing family days out, holidays and simple traditions may highlight the experiences your baby will never share. Some parents also find holidays bring mixed emotions, feeling guilty when moments of happiness return. Remember, both joy and sadness can exist together. You might choose to pack a small keepsake, write your baby’s name in the sand, or simply pause for a quiet moment to remember them. There is no right or wrong way to carry your baby’s memory.
Support networks on vacation
As routines change, it can also help to think about your own support. Friends, support groups, or counselling may be less available over the summer, so consider who you might reach out to if you need them.
A gentle reminder
As summer approaches, be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to choose between grieving your baby and loving the family around you. Your baby remains part of your family, your story, and your heart, whatever this summer may bring.
If you need to talk to people who understand, our supportive Petals groups are here: communities of other people who ‘get it’.
Search Petals Together or Petals Dads on Facebook or follow the links below. You don’t have to do this alone.
