Hope between heartbreaks: Rebecca’s story 

“I kept saying to the midwives, ‘I don’t want to do this again. I know how this is going to go. I don’t want to be here again.’ But I had no choice. Here we are. Again.” 

After the devastating experience of losing her twins, Alfie and Beatrice, 18 weeks into her pregnancy in 2016, and developing sepsis herself, Rebecca went on to have Oliver by IVF in 2018. With their final IVF embryo, Rebecca and her husband Russ decided to try again. Happily, she fell pregnant in August 2024, but Harry was delivered sleeping at 23 weeks and 4 days on December 29 2025, with Rebecca going into septic shock shortly after. Here she shares her fertility and pregnancy journeys – and how Petals counselling helped the couple through their trauma.

A difficult beginning

When Russ and I decided to start trying for a family in 2016, I was prescribed Clomid, a fertility drug which stimulates ovulation by triggering the release of reproductive hormones. From that very first treatment, I released two eggs at the same time. That was Alfie and Beatrice. We were absolutely over the moon to be having twins. 

But the pregnancy was difficult from the beginning. At around seven weeks, I experienced a bleed which terrified us. We went to hospital late at night and were told there was nobody available to scan me because the early pregnancy team wasn’t there in the evenings. I remember thinking, ‘What do I do for the rest of the night? I can’t sleep bleeding like this.’ We were told to come back the next day.  When they eventually scanned me the next day, everything looked fine. We heard their heartbeats and I felt reassured.” 

A devastating end 

On 3 January 2016, when I was 18 weeks pregnant, my waters broke. I went to the hospital to be checked, but I was told my cervix appeared closed and that I had probably just wet myself. The following day, I woke up feeling extremely unwell and called the hospital again, but they didn’t have the capacity to see me. By then, sepsis had begun to set in. 

At 2:50am on 5 January, I had Alfie at home. Two days later, at 2:50am on 7 January, I delivered Beatrice in hospital. Doctors told me there was nothing they could do to save Beatrice, so I had to be induced. My twins came into the world two days apart, at exactly the same time.  

IVF and Pregnancy after loss 

“After months of trying without success, our next option was IVF. We fell pregnant with our son Oliver on the first round. It felt like a miracle. From that treatment we had one embryo left to freeze for the future. 

My pregnancy with Oliver a year after the twins felt completely different. People often talk about anxiety after loss, but when I saw the positive pregnancy test, I just felt this huge sense of calm. Like everything was going to be ok. Apart from gestational diabetes, the pregnancy was straightforward and so was the birth. On July 10th 2018, Oliver was born and we were so happy to be parents to our beautiful baby boy. 

A few years later, when we were ready to try again with our other embryo, things felt different almost immediately. I found out I was pregnant in August 2024, but at around seven weeks, I had another hideous bleed, just like I had with the twins. Again, it was evening, and again we were told there was nobody available to scan me. Russ and I couldn’t believe that in ten years nothing had changed. 

Eventually, we paid privately for a reassurance scan where we’d had scans with Oliver. Everything was fine and we saw Harry’s heartbeat, but after that bleed I felt anxious all the time. 

Everything seemed fine until 20 weeks. One morning in early December, I noticed spotting and we went straight to hospital. A doctor examined me and said my cervix looked closed, but because of my history she wanted to refer me to the fetal medicine unit so they could carry out an internal scan. 

The scan showed my cervix was dangerously short and the next day I had a rescue cervical stitch inserted. During the procedure, they discovered I was already 3cm dilated but sent me home. 

Two weeks later I went to have my stitch checked and was told everything looked stable, but only days after that, things started going wrong. I went back and forth to hospital several times with different symptoms. Swabs were taken, but the results didn’t come back in time.”

Having Harry

On Sunday 29th December, I woke with intense back pain. The doctors had warned me this could be a sign of infection and to call them if so, so we went straight to hospital. Before we left the house, I was sick. I was shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t even say my own name. By the time we arrived, my temperature was 42 degrees and I could barely stand. They scanned me and told me there was no heartbeat. They took me straight into the delivery suite and said they suspected sepsis.” 

“I had the stitch removed and two hours later I delivered Harry. I was able to hold him for a little while and the midwives were lovely. Everything was done so gently and supportively. 

Then I went into septic shock. That night, I was taken to intensive care where I stayed for several days. Everything happened so quickly there was no time to process losing Harry because I was so poorly. It was just trauma upon trauma. 

The bereavement midwives who were part of the Rainbow Team at Southmead Hospital, where I had Harry, came to see me every day in intensive care and asked if I wanted Harry brought to me, but I said no. Intensive care felt so medical and frightening. I didn’t want Harry to “see” me like that. I wanted to protect him. 

After I left intensive care, Russ stayed with me in a family room and Harry was with us in a cold cot. Oliver came to visit too. He was able to hold his little brother, which was special but also incredibly difficult. It is hard to articulate how I feel about it all, even now. 

From hospital to home

When we finally left hospital, I kept telling myself and the midwives, ‘It’s fine, I’ve got Oliver, I’m going to be OK.’ But it didn’t go like that at all. 

In many ways, this loss has felt even harder. Not only was I grieving Harry and dealing with the trauma of nearly dying myself, but the loss of the twins came back too. It felt like everything I’d buried ten years earlier erupted all at once. That’s the only way I can describe it, like a volcano erupting. 

The bereavement midwive referred us to Petals. We started in March 2025, and our sessions were with Lisa. Russ and I chose to do the sessions together. I’m glad we did. For the first time we really talked about everything: Harry, the twins, the trauma, all of it. She just listened. We could offload with no judgement. It was very gentle and supportive. 

I was told that the doctors believe I had contracted E. coli. It took hold, they think, because I’d had the cervical stitch when I was already very dilated, which meant infection could have got in.

A safe space to share

The counselling helped Rebecca and Russ communicate and gave them space to process what had happened together. It also helped Rebecca feel able to return to work and begin rebuilding everyday life for Oliver. 

“Lisa got me to a point where I felt I could go back. I felt comfortable and I wanted to get back to a place where I could enjoy life again, go out, and feel like me again. I’m so grateful for that. I’m also lucky to have family close who are really supportive, as well as friends and colleagues. But it’s still hard. It’s still raw.” 

Now, Rebecca says the grief for the babies she has lost, and the ones she will never have, is something she carries every day. She still worries about the impact on Oliver, who became anxious after seeing his mum so unwell. But she also speaks with enormous love and gratitude for her son. 

A focus on fun, fundraising and the future

“You carry loss for the rest of your life. I always saw myself with loads of kids, but obviously with our fertility problems we can’t just get pregnant easily and Harry was our last embryo. Russ has said, ‘Becky, I don’t want you to be pregnant again, because if anything like that happens again, Oliver could be without you.’ 

“Oliver is such a special little boy. So sensitive, sweet and thoughtful, and such a character. I feel so lucky and fortunate to have him. As Russ says, ‘One out of four babies – how did we even have him?’ He feels like our little miracle.” 

To raise money for Petals, Rebecca, Russ and Oliver are now taking part in a 5k inflatable challenge run together in Bristol at the end of May – something Rebecca says feels important for them to do as a family. 

“It’s something all three of us can do together,” she says. “Something joyful and fun, and where we can give something back to Petals. We’re just going to get stuck in and I know I will feel really proud at the end of how far we’ve come.” 

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned through my experience, it’s if I can get through this, I can get through anything. I hope Oliver will learn that, too.”