Holding grief through the holidays: Caring for yourself this Easter

Spring is often described as a season of new beginnings, of vibrant colour and new growth. The sight of lambs in fields, blossoms unfolding, chicks hatching and excited children can be difficult for those grieving for their babies and can bring painful awareness of the life you imagined but did not get to live.

With it, comes Easter – a holiday celebration loved by children, but which also has many religious connections around loss and hope

Finding healing in nature

Planting and nurturing something living can offer a quiet sense of comfort, connection and control. I found being in nature healing, especially when I was grieving.  For some, tending to plants creates a feeling of grounding and connection.

You might find yourself drawn to a particular plant or flower that reminds you of your baby. For me, it was water lilies and hellebores. Others I’ve worked with have written messages to their babies and planted bulbs above them, or created memory gardens as a dedicated space for reflection.

Seeing plants bloom around significant dates – such as anniversaries – can provide a sense of continuity, strength, and hope at a difficult time of year.

Connecting with yourself and others

Easter is often a time of family gatherings and sharing. When you are grieving, this can feel comforting, or it can feel like too much. Both responses are valid.

Try to follow your instincts about what feels manageable and supportive for you. It is okay to say no. Protecting your emotional wellbeing is not selfish; it is necessary.

You might find it helpful to reflect on what supports you during grief. Some people use frameworks like the “Pillars of Strength”, created by Julia Samuel. This can help us think about what we can put in our lives to support us through the grieving process and rebuild our lives. Pillar eight contain looks at focusing, and offers a useful exercise on being able to connect with grief sensation in your body.

Practising Self-Compassion

Something I often notice in my work is how hard people can be on themselves after loss. Grief can come with self-judgement, guilt, or a sense that you should be coping differently. It might be helpful for you to think about the positive steps you have taken since your loss(es). Where possible, try to meet yourself with the same compassion you would offer a loved one.

You might ask yourself:

• What do I need right now?
• How can I gently support myself today?

This could look like something small and nurturing, like taking a warm bath, cooking a nourishing meal, watching something that makes you laugh, or making gentle plans with someone you trust. It might also be something to look forward to with your partner or a friend or family member, such as a trip away maybe, or doing something that you have always wanted to do.

Remembering your baby

Easter can also be a time of remembrance. You may feel drawn to honour your baby in ways that feel meaningful to you.

This might include:

• Lighting a candle
• Listening to music that reminds you of them
• Creating a photo album or memory box
• Writing a letter to your baby

These acts of remembrance can help maintain a continuing bond and create space for your love and grief to coexist.

Navigating difficult emotions

It’s not uncommon to feel anger after baby loss. You may also find it particularly hard if people around you are expecting or welcoming babies. These feelings can be painful and isolating – but they are also deeply human.

Sometimes it can help to remember that grief is not static. One way of understanding it is like the sea: at times it feels overwhelming, but over time, through this ebb and flow, many people find they begin to build strength and resilience. While the grief does not disappear, it can become something you learn to carry. And alongside it, moments of joy and connection can begin to re-emerge.

A closing thought

If Easter feels heavy for you this year, you are not alone. There is no right way to move through grief, and no timeline you must follow.

Be gentle with yourself. Take each day as it comes. And trust that, even in the most difficult moments, there is space for both sorrow and renewal to exist side by side.

If you need to talk to people who understand, our supportive Petals groups are here: communities of other people who ‘get it’.

Search Petals Together or Petals Dads on Facebook or follow the links below. You don’t have to do this alone.