BLAW: Making space for loss and hope

Making space for loss and hope (BLAW) 

Baby Loss Awareness Week gives space to remember the babies who are missing, the babies who should be here but are not, and the babies who will never be forgotten. Here Petals Senior Counsellor, Sumita Bhola shares her guidance on how to honour your loss, whilst looking after yourself and making space for hope this week. 

This week can be a meaningful time for parents who have lost a baby. For some, it can be comforting to see baby loss spoken about openly, to know that their baby is being remembered and to feel connected to others who understand. 

For others, the week can feel incredibly painful. Social media posts, campaigns, events, photographs and stories may bring feelings to the surface that had been quieter for a while. 

Sometimes both things can be true. You can find meaning in the week and still find it very difficult. There is no right way to take part. We want to reassure you that grief is deeply personal. There’s no right way to grieve your baby and no right way to take part in Baby Loss Awareness Week. 

Grief can bring many emotions 

The week may bring sadness, longing, anger, love, loneliness, anxiety, hope or even moments of joy. You might feel connected to others one day and want to withdraw the next. Grief is complex and unpredictable. It can fluctuate, with twists and turns that we do not always expect. 

If the week brings difficult feelings, it does not mean that you are not coping or that you have gone backwards. Sometimes remembering your baby brings the grief close again because your baby continues to matter. 

Remembering does not mean you are stuck 

Remembering your baby and continuing to live your life do not have to be opposing things. 

Remembering means your baby can remain part of your story while you build a future. You can remember and still move forwards. You can love and miss your baby while finding moments of happiness again. 

For many parents, finding ways to remember and connect with their baby can become an important part of learning to live with their loss. 

Hope can be small 

Hope does not have to be something big. It might be getting through the day, finding one moment of peace, talking to someone you trust or beginning to imagine that life might eventually feel manageable again. 

Hope and loss can exist alongside each other. Having hope for the future does not mean that you are leaving your baby behind, just as feeling deep sadness does not mean that hope has disappeared. 

There is no timetable for healing after baby loss. You find your own way through it, at your own pace. 

Whatever you choose to do this week, be gentle with yourself.  

Remember your baby in the way that feels right for you. At your pace.  In your own way.  And if all you can find is a tiny glimmer of hope, let that be enough. 

Sumita

If you need to talk to people who understand, our supportive Petals groups are here: communities of other people who ‘get it’.