From trauma to trek: Guy’s Story

Guy is taking part in our first ever Lace Up & Trek ‘Snowdon at Night’ event on the 9th May for #TeamPetals. He’s no stranger to fundraising for Petals – or climbing, either. The last climb he did for us, he climbed Mount Everest! 

Guy is passionate about fundraising for Petals, having received our specialist counselling following the complex birth of his twins, Jasper and Barney. 

On 16 July 2019, Guy and his partner, who was 32 weeks pregnant, went to an emergency midwife appointment. They were expecting twin boys, whom they had called Jasper and Barney. 

During the scan, the midwife could only find one heartbeat. They were told that the twins had developed twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, a rare pregnancy condition. Devastatingly, Barney died shortly before birth. When Jasper arrived, he weighed just 3lbs 3oz and spent time in NICU. 

It was during this incredibly difficult time that Guy and his partner were introduced to Petals. The service would later help him navigate grief, rebuild his strength, and prepare for another pregnancy. 

Today, he is sharing his story ahead of joining #TeamPetals on May 9th, for the Snowdon by Night challenge as part of the Lace Up and Trek series. 

Guy, we know you are you are big walker. What draws you to trekking in the great outdoors? 

I’ve always liked walking and being outside. After Barney died nearly seven years ago, I began to run ultramarathons. But being a dad to older children, walking and trekking fit into my life better. It’s time where I’m not just Dad, or a bereaved dad – I’m just me, putting one foot in front of the other, getting from A to B. Getting out on the trails gives me space to think, to process, or sometimes, to not think at all. Walking with this community, for this community, just feels like a natural way to honour an experience we’re all uniquely bonded by. Baby loss is a club you never want to join, but once you are part of it, you realise how many other people understand what you are going through. Doing anything to help that community feels significant. 

What can a challenge like this teach people about life, loss, and community? 

They remind you that you are not alone. For me personally, there’s something about the mountains as well – they put things in perspective. You realise you’re part of something bigger. Trekking has taught me that grief is like climbing a mountain. Reaching the summit isn’t the end, it’s only halfway. We still have to get back down, and we need each other’s support to do that. It’s the same with loss. None of us should have to climb or descend that mountain alone. 

What does it mean to walk alongside others who’ve been through loss? 

There’s a real power in being around people who just get it. You don’t have to explain anything. There’s this shared understanding, even in silence. You can talk if you want to, or you can just walk side by side. That’s huge, because grief can be incredibly isolating. Even when you’ve got great people around you, you can still feel completely alone. Being with others who understand without needing words is hugely helpful and healing. 

Can you briefly share what happened when your twins were born? 

My partner and I were expecting twin boys, Jasper and Barney. At 32 weeks, we went in for an emergency appointment and were told they’d developed twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. Barney died shortly before birth. Jasper was born very small and needed care in NICU. So, my journey to becoming a parent was a crisis; trying to support one son who was fighting to grow stronger, whilst also grieving the one we’d lost. Trying to process grief while learning how to be a parent at the same time was raw, brutal, and unfair. 

How did support from Petals fit into your journey? 

We were told about Petals in the hospital, and a couple of weeks later, I reached out. That decision – just putting my hand up and saying “I need help” – was one of the best I’ve ever made. It can be easy to push away the things you actually need and that might help you when you’re grieving, but I promise, you will never regret asking for help. My partner and I had sessions together and separately, both were equally important. It gave us space to talk, to process, and to start rebuilding. 

What did Petals counselling give you? 

Petals gave me tools for my toolkit. It gave me foundations to rebuild from – not to fix things, nothing can do that when you lose a baby – but to understand how to live with your circumstances. It also helped me understand that I could grieve for Barney while still being present for Jasper, and later Bertie. That balance is hard, so having that support and guidance made a huge difference. What Petals does is so special because they understand how to help you, personally. They know the grief that comes with baby loss, but they also get to know you and understand how you are dealing with it. No one grieves the same way. Everyone has different circumstances. 

How did Petals support you when you were expecting Bertie? 

That support was probably most important when we were expecting Bertie. My only reference point for pregnancy was my worst nightmare – losing Barney. I kept wondering how I wouldn’t revert to that fear. It was also during COVID. We would go to scans, and I would be waiting outside on my own in the same place where the unimaginable had happened before. My partner was inside, equally scared. Petals helped me understand how to navigate that. Grief is the loneliest time for any couple or family. Even with the most amazing support network, you can be alone surrounded by people. Petals helped me keep growing and learning as a parent, but as a parent who was also carrying the burden of grief. 

Before counselling, I felt completely heartbroken. Now I’d say my heart is bruised. It always will be, but I know that’s okay. 

What does being a dad mean to you now? 

To me, being a dad means being able to hold grief and joy at the same time. That’s probably the biggest thing I’ve learned. My first steps into fatherhood certainly didn’t look how I imagined they would. The Disney version of parenthood didn’t happen. We arrived at that hospital expecting to leave as a family of four, instead we left as a family of three. My partnerand I are no longer together, but I’m a dad of three boys – Jasper, Barney, and Bertie – and I always will be. That’s how I see it. 

There’s no manual for being a parent. And there’s definitely no manual for doing it while grieving. You figure it out as you go. I’ve learned that you can be hurting and still show up. In the early days after Barney had died, and when Jasper was in NICU, that just meant getting up, having a shower, driving to the hospital without crying, getting through each day as best I could. You have to take the small wins; they matter. 

I have learned so much from all three of my boys. I feel just as connected to Barney as I do to Jasper and Bertie. I still think about Barney every day. I talk about him, and I find comfort in saying his name. The boys include him, too. That’s important to me. He’ll always be part of our family. 

What does this trek mean to you, in the context of everything you’ve been through? 

I’ll be walking for my boys. They’re what drives me. It’s about taking positive steps forward and keeping them close, even when they’re not physically there. I want them to see me taking positive steps forward. They’re what drives me on: to walk, trek, and talk about what it means to be a dad. I want families experiencing loss at any stage to be able to access specialist support. There’s a saying that you have to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others. Petals was that oxygen mask for me. Now I’ve got mine on, I’m ready to help others. 

What advice would you give to other parents going through baby loss? 

It’s raw, painful, it’s unfair, and it’s incredibly hard. That doesn’t go away. But over time, you find ways to carry it. You can be grieving and still show up, not just for your partner, or your children, but yourself, too. 

One thing I want to highlight is that dads need support too, so don’t stay silent. Reach out and ask for help. You don’t have to do this on your own. 

We are incredibly grateful to Guy for sharing his story and experience of trekking as part of his fatherhood journey to Jasper, Barney and Bertie. 

If, like Guy, you would like to join #TeamPetals and fundraise to help us support even more bereaved parents following the heartbreak of baby loss, check out how you can get involved below: