Making your way back: Returning to work after pregnancy or baby loss

As a Petals counsellor with 8 years of experience supporting bereaved parents, Bev understands just how challenging and emotional returning to work can be after pregnancy or baby loss. 

She knows that for many, the workplace can feel an unfamiliar, isolating, and triggering place to step back into. Maintaining a professional persona alongside day-to-day responsibilities can feel like a huge undertaking – not just in the first days or weeks, but for some time to come. 

Here, Bev shares insight, emotional support, and practical guidance to help you navigate this transition to try and ensure you can be as prepared and as supported as possible. 

What are some of the common emotional challenges parents may face when returning to work after baby loss? 

Returning to work after pregnancy or baby loss can feel incredibly overwhelming. Emotionally, many parents may not feel ready to function in a work environment, as grief, trauma, and physical recovery are still very present. While some people find routine and structure provide a distraction, others may struggle with the expectations and pressures of work. This can show up in different ways: 

• Difficulty concentrating, focusing, or remembering tasks 

• Anxiety about seeing colleagues or being asked questions 

• Worry about becoming upset at work and how to manage emotions 

• Encountering triggers, such as pregnant colleagues or conversations about children 

• Feeling pressure to perform at previous levels while still grieving 

• A loss of confidence, especially if your body feels on high alert or you’re experiencing flashbacks.

Are there any simple strategies or routines that can help someone manage their grief alongside work responsibilities? 

Ease yourself in gently. Try to lower your own expectations and be as kind and compassionate to yourself as you would to someone else in your position – your capacity may not be the same as it was before, and that’s ok. 

Focus on manageable tasks each day rather than trying to function at full capacity. Take regular short breaks, and if possible, find a quiet space where you can pause, breathe, regulate your emotions, cry, or simply have a moment to yourself. Identifying a trusted colleague or manager you can talk to can also makes a big difference.

What can help when navigating conversations with colleagues or managers about their loss? 

Practise what you want to say at home, either on your own or with someone you trust. Saying things out loud can help build confidence around what you’re comfortable sharing with people. 

It’s important to remember that it’s okay to say, “I don’t feel ready to talk about this right now,” and create boundaries to protect yourself. 

What are some practical ways to protect emotional wellbeing during this time? 

Grief can feel incredibly unpredictable, and you may not always be able to anticipate when emotions will rise to the surface. Let your manager know what you feel able to manage and be mindful that this may change from day to day. Give yourself permission to take breaks, step outside, or reduce your workload where possible. 

Returning to work may also bring an added layer of pain, particularly if this time was meant to be spent preparing for maternity leave. Acknowledging this can help you be gentler with yourself as you adjust to this new normal. 

Do you have any advice for coping with unexpected triggers or difficult days at work? 

Triggers can feel sudden and overwhelming. You might notice your body going into fight or flight mode. When this happens, try to take slow, deep breaths and, if you can, remove yourself from the situation. Self-talk such as “I will be okay” or “I can get through this moment” can help. Reaching out to someone you trust, even briefly, can also provide support. 

If you’re approaching particularly difficult dates – such as a due date or anniversary – consider taking leave, working from home, or reducing your workload. Surrounding yourself with supportive people can help ease these times. 

What kinds of support (in or outside of work) can be helpful to lean on? 

Having someone you trust to talk to – whether a friend, colleague, or family member – can be incredibly important. You might also find comfort in mindfulness tools, relaxation techniques, or activities that help regulate your nervous system, such as walking, yoga, journalling, or creative hobbies. 

Connecting with others who have had similar experiences, whether through local support groups, online communities, or podcasts, can also help you feel less alone. 

How can someone check in with themselves and care for their emotional health in the longer term? 

Grief is a journey with no fixed timeline, it reflects the everlasting bond you have with your baby. 

It can help to gently check in with yourself regularly: 

• How am I feeling this morning/today/this week? 

• What feels difficult right now? 

• Are there any important dates coming up? 

Listening to your body and responding to what it might need at any given time, and on any day is key. 

Where possible, stay connected to supportive people, and consider identifying someone at work who can support or advocate for you if needed. 

You might also find comfort in doing things that help you feel connected to your baby, in whatever way feels right for you, too. 

5 at-a-glance tips to help you through difficult days

Remember, you are not alone

If you’re preparing to return to work, or have done so recently, we hope this helps to gently smooth the path for you. Remember, you can only go at your own pace. You may be returning to work, but not as the same person – and that’s completely understandable. Making allowances for yourself and ensuring you have the right communication and support in place, will be imperative to your continued healing and recovery.

If you need to talk to people who understand, our supportive Petals groups are here: communities of other people who ‘get it’.

Search Petals Together or Petals Dads on Facebook or follow the links below. You don’t have to do this alone.